#disciples of disgust

[ginniesfangirllife]

Sonic to Saitama

sof ?

He’s not wrong.

[triglycercule]

if the mtt lived together and killer had his cats they would shit all over the place (because he doesn't have the heart to NOT let them have total freedom and control over the house). dust always manages to be the first one to find the poo. every time he manages to bring it to horror and complain to him about killer's cats. and everytime without fail horror finds a way to get back at killer for not training his damn cats to not litter the house with shit.

killer finds all his knives covered in cat poo. his food one day is served with cat shit on it. he finds a little dookie surprise in his bed one day. the handle to his bedroom door has a strange brown substance on it. his laundry load smells strangely NOT of cleanliness. each and every single one of these revenge pranks has a little note from horror and dust signed with a heart JUST to prove the point.

it's absolutely disgusting and they all know it BUT it is comedic. it is funny. and atp it's kinda become a recurring joke that won't stop unless killer gets his cats in line. he had it coming for him anyways LOL!

[bonefall]

Does pelt length contribute to the beauty factor at all? Does it vary based on clan? I‘ve always imagined Riverclan as finding medium-long fur attractive with Windclan as finding short fur attractive but I’m not sure on the rest 🤔

In general I think it's a balance. It can make a cat look bigger and more threatening, but also hide scars.

I think ThunderClan LOVES a fluffy mane though, hence why it gets selected for in that Clan.

ShadowClan probably selects for short fur because of the marsh. Long hair means holding down heavy, sopping mud.

[ellecdc]

spiked woes and revenge

poly!darksun x fem!reader who is slipped a love potion [2.1k words]

prompts: from my darksun disciples @butt3rnugg3t : "darksun (I'm obsessed and I'm not sorry) with a reader who gets slipped a love potion without knowing?", as well as @underoospeterparker : "could I request poly!darksun x reader where they're both really protective over her"

CW: drugging someone, anxiety and concern, friends responding perhaps violently, hurt comfort, hateful and disgusting men being publicly shamed :)

James and Barty were just making their way up the stairs to the 7th year Gryffindor boys dormitory when they came upon a peculiar sight.

The door - which was notoriously ajar should any number of friends or acquaintances want to drop by (with the exception of first thing in the morning when they were dressing for school, the end of the day when they were getting ready for bed, or when there was a very pointed tie hanging by the handle) - was not only closed, but there were the telltale plumes of smoke indicative of a potion being brewed within the dorm room walls trailing beneath the ancient wooden door. 

“But what if he doesn’t like me?” Came your muffled voice then; painted with worry and…tears? 

“Hey, it’s alright, Trouble.” James heard Sirius counter, though he didn’t miss the anxious tilt of his voice. “You’re impossible not to like.”

“You know who likes you an awful lot?” Remus added then, though it sounded as though his attention was split between you and whatever else was happening in the dorm room. “James and Junior.” 

“So much, Y/N.” Lily agreed quickly, before her voice dropped as she hissed “where the sodding hell are they!?” to someone else in the room. 

Yet whatever James thought he was about to walk into didn’t even compare to the chaos that was their dorm room. 

Regulus, Lily, and Remus were all hovering in front of a makeshift potions station in the centre of the room; Remus dutifully checking and rechecking the brewing instructions from a heavy tome, Regulus chopping and prepping the ingredients with an efficient precision, and Lily expertly stirring the potion whilst keeping an eye on the heat and adding the ingredients as Remus read them out and Regulus handed them to her. 

Marlene and Dorcas stood to the side of the room, muttering angrily under their breaths as Marlene paced back and forth, though she kept her eyes trained dutifully on you, and Sirius had you wrapped up in one of their throws - so tightly that James wondered if it didn’t actually hurt - like a muggle straight jacket as he rubbed your back and rocked you back and forth, Peter hovering over you with a tissue in one hand to catch falling tears and a fan in the other to keep you cool. 

“What in the buggering fuck is going on here?” Barty spat then, apparently having come to his senses faster than James.

“Hey! Hey Trouble, look! Look who it is!” Sirius started with forced enthusiasm, rubbing your back with new vigour as he tried to get you to turn your attention to your two boyfriends. You hardly spared them a glance. 

“What’s the matter, angel? What’s with the tears?” James asked cautiously, easing his way over like the scene was a live wire ready to explode with one wrong move. 

“I’m scared. I don’t feel good Jamie.” You admitted, which James could very well see, though you immediately followed it up with “and what if he doesn’t like me?” 

“What if who doesn’t like you?” Barty asked then with a hard edge to his voice that saw James swatting at him warningly and Regulus hissing “would you take it easy, Junior?” 

“McLaggen.” Marlene answered for you; muttering the name with so much disdain that James almost wondered if it was the delivery itself that saw you burst into tears. 

“McKinnon, please.” Peter whined then, working overtime with both his tissue and his fan, looking like he was sweating nearly as much as you were and just as close to hysterics. 

“James?” Remus whispered, his eyes widening in warning. “A word, please?” 

Both James and Barty wretched their attention from you to join the impromptu potions class. 

“Listen, you cannot freak out; we’re brewing the antidote right now, but-”

“What antidote?” Barty interrupted darkly, causing Regulus to scoff at his oldest friend.

“Junior, what did we just say?”

“Listen, the two of you have one job right now.” Lily spat then; her tone taking on a no nonsense quality that had both boys unintentionally standing up straighter. “And that one job is to help keep her calm, got it?”

“Okay. Alright.” James agreed breathily, but Lily’s fiery gaze turned to Barty as she raised one perfectly arched auburn brow at him expectantly.

“Merlin,” He groaned, though they all watched him take a steadying breath, “okay, okay. What antidote are you brewing?”

“The Love Potion Antidote.” Regulus responded quickly, handing Lily the wiggentree twigs that Remus directed him to prep, watching over the cauldron as the potion turned green.

“Love Potion?” James hissed.

“She was slipped a Love Potion!?” Barty added.

“Looks like it.” Remus muttered darkly, though his face turned soft and pitiful when he looked over his shoulder to watch Sirius and Peter trying to keep you calm. 

“Alice overheard him asking her to Hogsmeade next weekend after Astronomy class yesterday. She declined, obviously.” Lily explained.

“Looks like he’s not used to rejection.” Regulus spat bitterly.

“Oh, he’s going to get used to rejection alright.” Barty muttered threateningly as he reached for his wand and made to storm out of the room, only for Marlene and Dorcas to block his exit. 

“One job.” Marlene demanded then, gesturing roughly in your direction. 

“It’s orange, now what?” Lily asked, and Remus flipped the page in the tome. 

“Add castor oil until it turns blue.” 

“I…I think maybe I should go?” You whimpered then; sentence dotted by hiccups and sniffling as you seemed to be staring unseeingly into the room. “I should go, right?”

“Hey, angel; you’re alright. I think you’re good here, huh?” James tried as he kneeled in front of you, and Peter seemed more than happy to step aside and make room for your boyfriends. “What do you say? We’ll just…hang out for a bit?”

“But I think I should go see McLaggen.” You pouted, and James had to remind himself to tamp down the anger threatening to boilover at the sight of your tearstained face. 

“Or,” Barty started then, and James prayed to the gods that he kept his wits about him, “why don’t we try to relax for a bit, and if you still feel like seeing him afterwards, we’ll all go pay him a visit?” 

Dorcas let out a humourless snort at that. “I vote for option number two.” 

“And….we’re blue.” Lily announced then, snuffing the flame out from beneath the potion and transferring it to a vial. “We’re gonna get you feeling better, Y/N.” She promised. 

“Okay, thank you.” You all but sobbed in response.

“What’s with the restraints?” Barty asked then as he pulled at the blanket wrapped around your being. 

“We didn’t handle being told to sit down very well.” Sirius responded for you, tightening his arm around your shoulders comfortingly as Peter rubbed a quickly growing red welt on the side of his cheek. 

“I’m sorry.” You nearly wailed as Lily made for you. “I just feel like I’m supposed to go find McLaggen!”

“Don’t worry, Treasure.” Barty assured you with a disturbing amount of composure. “We’re absolutely going to go find McLaggen, okay? Why don’t we take the potion Lily made for you, hm? Get you feeling better first.”

Barty spoke over the discontented grumblings of Regulus and Remus who ‘also helped make the potion, thank you very much’ as he took the vial from Lily and held it up to your mouth. “Big drink, okay Tres?” 

James was glad that you were as agreeable as you were in your discontented state, simply wrapping your blanket clad hands around Barty’s and allowing him to hold the vial as you drank the entire potion down. 

“It reads here that she’s probably going to be very tired and more than a little confused for a while, but the anxiety and lust should be gone.” Remus explained; James could kiss the sod. 

“Good. Good, yeah? That’s good, right angel? Do you feel better?” 

You sucked in a deep, shuddering breath as you licked a droplet of the potion from your lips and considered your answer before nodding slowly. “I…yeah. Yeah, I- I think so. I think I feel better.”

No sooner had the words left your lips did Lily grab her wand. “Great! Ready to go?” She asked no one in particular, but both Marlene and Dorcas answered in the affirmative immediately. 

“Where are you three going?” James asked cautiously. 

“You know,” Dorcas drawled casually as she began rummaging through Sirius’ trunk, though the long-haired boy hardly seemed to mind, “we just realised that we haven’t caught up with our old classmate in so long.” 

“A shame, really.” Marlene agreed as Dorcas filled her bag with various dung bombs, charmed firecrackers, and other various pranking paraphernalia. “All this talk about inter house unity, and we neglect a vast majority of our peers.” 

“We’re going to change that.” Lily declared as she swiped the Marauders Map from Remus’ desk. “Starting with McLaggen.” 

And with that, Lily shot you a wink, Dorcas a salute, and Marlene blew a kiss before the three witches closed the door to the boys’ dorm behind them.

“Can I take this off now?” You asked then, wriggling under Sirius arm as you tried to free yourself from your blanketed prison. 

“Only if you promise to keep your hands to yourself.” Sirius teased as he unravelled the blanket, causing you to fluster as you shot Peter your best doe eyes. 

“I really am sorry, Pete.” 

“Oh…it’s alright.” Peter offered with a nervous laugh, though he winced as he prodded the tender portion of his jaw that was well on its way to bruising. “I’m just glad you’re feeling better.” 

“What the hell happened?” Barty asked then; shoving the offended blanket off your shoulders and taking the fan from Peter (rather roughly, though Peter seemed more than glad to be effectively dismissed from his job) and started fanning you off. 

“I…I honestly don’t even know? Professor Slughorn was handing out chocolates to us after class today for a job well done, and whilst he was doing that, McLaggen approached me again asking if I wasn’t entirely sure I didn’t want to go to Hogsmeade with him.”

You were interrupted by James and Sirius grumbling, Remus scoffing, and Barty muttering something along the lines of “ask first, respect the answer, fuck face” under his breath. 

“And I said no, and left. I didn’t drink anything or-”

“Did you eat the chocolate?” Regulus interrupted then, ignoring his best friend’s murderous gaze for daring to speak over his Treasure. 

“What?”

“The chocolate that Slughorn handed out. Did you eat it?”

“Well, yeah, but-”

“Before McLaggen spoke to you, or after?” Regulus continued, inching closer and closer to being hexed straight to hell by Barty. 

“After…”

“You think he tampered with the chocolate?” Remus asked then, earning him a shrug of Regulus’ shoulders, though his head moved side to side in semi-confirmation. 

“It’s the only thing that makes sense.”

“The only thing that makes sense,” Barty spat venomously, “is a fucking dementors kiss for attempted…what? What was his plan?”

No one had the chance to answer, though, when the castle walls shook with the force of a boom coming from outside. 

The seven of you all stood and crammed your heads into the alcove of the window to see almost an entire acre of the castle grounds coated in a thick, sludgy yellow substance and one individual slipping and sliding as he tried to make his way out of the mess. Hexes and jinxes were being shot at him from three sides - clearly the doing of Marlene et al., if James recognised her duelling strategies correctly. 

“Well…” You offered cautiously. “I guess none of us have to go find McLaggen now?” 

Barty seemed wholly unconvinced, but by the time the group of you got to the Great Hall for breakfast the following morning to find McLaggen unable to speak to any femme (student or faculty alike) without first announcing “My name is Tiberius McLaggen and I am a sexual predator.” for all to hear, Barty relented on his insistence to defend your honour. 

“The girls beat you to it.” You’d whispered into his cheek before stamping it with a kiss.

James figured this was probably the only time Barty would ever allow himself to be outdone.

[nuadha-airgeadlamh]

concerning the specimen storehouse

Since the DLC released, I've seen some thoughts floating around about the Specimen Storehouse, Messmer, and how the Crusade contingent viewed the Hornsent. Specifically, I think it's quite a common idea to think of the Storehouse as a good thing, a sign from Messmer that he harbored a modicum of sympathy for the Hornsent and wanted to preserve their culture. I want to explain why I think this idea is very flawed, and why, on the contrary, I view the Storehouse as another testament to the horrors delivered upon the Hornsent by Messmer and his Crusade.

The ashes of Fire Knight Hilde give a glimpse into the construction of the Specimen Storehouse:

Hilde was a dear friend to Salza the sage, and joined those who urged that the specimens be preserved. Hilde's ashes were enshrined as a charm to protect the storehouse.

Hilde and Salza were part of a faction of Fire Knights who wanted the specimens to be preserved. This faction had to "urge" for this to occur; therefore, this must not have been a universal opinion among the Fire Knights, and a convincing case had to be brought forward in order for the Specimen Storehouse to go ahead. As this same item description points out, the Fire Knights answer directly to Messmer, so he would most likely have the final say. However, this makes it clear that the Specimen Storehouse was not his idea. If it was, there would have been no urging needed— he is the ruler of this keep and he makes the decisions.

The information on Salza further characterizes this faction within the Fire Knights. The item description for Salza's Hood sketches out his stand against violence:

"A disciple of the elder Wego, he refused to burn down an old ruin, at the risk of his own life."

Given Salza's positioning and its relative lack of damage, I would hazard that the "old ruin" in question here is Rauh. The description states that Salza protects this ruin "at the risk of his own life", and his placement puts him directly in opposition to Shadow Keep. He attacks at the end of the bridge and faces towards the keep; he targets us, and we are coming out of the keep. I think all of these facts point to the conclusion that Salza's instincts towards preservation estranged him from the rest of the Fire Knights, and that he is literally standing in defense of Rauh at the moment you encounter him. Why else would he be standing directly in front of Rauh, facing Shadow Keep, if he was not defending Rauh from Shadow Keep?

The description for Salza's incantation "Rain of Fire" reiterates his less violent outlook, but also importantly points out his hypocrisy.

"Salza's disdain for barbarism never waned, even as he burned more villages and scorched more land than any other."

Salza didn't want to engage in such violence, and he protected Rauh at the risk of his own life. But that doesn't erase the reality that he leaves behind a disgusting legacy of destruction and death. It begs the question: why do these specimens need preserving in the first place?

If the Crusade had never been waged, then the Specimen Storehouse would never have needed to exist. It sounds all nice and sweet on paper that there are Fire Knights out there "preserving Hornsent culture", but they are the very reason why this culture needs protecting. The Specimen Storehouse is a monument to their own atrocities: its very existence depends on an annihilation they orchestrated. Hilde, Salza, and the rest of them can be disgusted by their own actions as much as they want, but they are ultimately responsible.

It's also important to point out that neither Hilde's ashes nor Salza's Hood mentions any sympathy for the Hornsent themselves. They wanted the specimens to be preserved and protected a ruin from destruction; nowhere do these descriptions mention Salza and Hilde's great sympathy for the Hornsent's plight. Salza's big stand against Shadow Keep is protecting a ruin— not a city full of people, a ruin. He has a "disdain for barbarism", not a bleeding heart for those who are dying. In the Salza's Hood description, Salza is described as the "sage of the Fire Knights", and the term "sage" describes a person of great wisdom. The Specimen Storehouse is a giant library, a great depository of stolen Hornsent scholarship. I would hazard to say that Salza and Hilde's moves towards preservation stem more from a thirst for knowledge than a humanitarian urge to save Hornsent culture.

I've also seen it claimed that the shadow-men who attack with Messmer-fire in the Specimen Storehouse are Hornsent, and use this information to extrapolate about the Storehouse at large. However, this isn't true:

Here are images of Hornsent shadow-men in Belurat and Gravesite Plain. Their horns are clear, defined, and opaque, even with the shadow filter over their models.

This is an image of the spirit in front of Scorched Ruins without the shadow filter. You can see that the style of the horns remains consistent across designs.

Compare this with images of the shadow-men in the Specimen Storehouse:

Their head designs are markedly different from those of the Hornsent in Belurat. Their supposed "horns" are wispy and vague.

You can best see it in this photo where I'm clipping into his head that these "horns" are actually a layer of unruly hair. The little tufts of hair poking out from their heads can easily be mistaken as horns, but they do not match the other shadow-men in Belurat. Furthermore, their clothing also differs. While the Hornsent shadow-men wear tunics, the men in the Storehouse wear garments similar to togas. I think it's far more likely that these are Crusade scholars who are under the same shadow effect that happens to the other spirits in the Shadowlands. There is no Hornsent presence in the Storehouse.

Finally I would like to come to what Messmer thinks about the Specimen Storehouse, and for that, there's little that's actually textual. We know from Salza and Hilde that there was backlash to the construction of the Storehouse and the preservation of Hornsent knowledge from the wider Crusade contingent, and we know he must have consented to the Storehouse's construction, but there's no hard evidence as to what he truly thought of it. What we can do, however, is take a look at Messmer's characterization in-game and speculate from there what his opinions might have been, and what we can see about Messmer is that he clearly despises the Hornsent.

We know from our vengeance-seeking Hornsent that he thought of them as "savages"; the furnace golems are tailor-made to prey upon the Hornsents' fears through their references to the fire giants; the existence of the jar clinic and the protections around the shaman village imply he has knowledge of what happened to Marika and her people, which would only intensify his hatred. And we can't forget that he has taken it upon himself willingly to literally annihilate them from the face of the earth. Now, that's not to say that Messmer isn't a person capable of empathy and kindness; we know that through his relationships with Gaius, his Fire Knights, and his common soldiers. However, just because he can have sympathy for these people does not mean that that translates to the Hornsent. If I went into all the details of this I would double the length of this post (in fact I will probably make a whole separate post expanding on this), but I think Messmer as a character is allowed to contain contradictions— he can be capable of great cruelty and great kindness. I think it's clear from everything I've explained above that there are many pieces of evidence to indicate that Messmer did not harbor secret sympathy for the Hornsent.

Therefore, I would guess his approval of the Specimen Storehouse aligns with what I theorized for Salza and Hilde. The Storehouse is useful. It's a depository of an entire culture's knowledge; it would be foolish to throw that all away. As I've stated, the Storehouse's entire existence depends entirely on the genocide being enacting by Messmer and his Crusade. They are engaging in preservation only for their own benefit. The Hornsent gain nothing by having their own scholarly work snatched away from them and hoarded by the very ones who are murdering them.

[optimisticmosquito]

Guys hear me out on this svsss au idea.

Sower Shen yuan. SY transmigrating into a young sower child and having to learn sower and demon culture. One large difference to his old life is that his diet now consists of rotten flesh. He has a lot of feelings about that. It's raw flesh! It's rotting! It's the worst every world has to offer!

Curse you system for placing him here! He must be the unluckiest transmigrator to ever exist! Or maybe not the unluckiest, he could have been transmigrating into some low iq villain and destined to be killed off by the protagonist. His new life is definitely preferable to that! Barely.

He might grumble but he's learning a lot of new things that were never mentioned in PIDW! After all cultivators don't know much about sowers, and higher demons don't care about what's going on in sower society as long as they follow orders.

They are natural scavengers, their food needing to be at least somewhat deteriorated for them to digest it properly. Every sower is born with the ability to rot flesh, it's kinda needed after all if you want to survive. But as they age sowers can cultivate their ability, creating faster ways to rot flesh, or methods that are more effective on different types of flesh. The most talented ones are even able to create diseases that can affect and rot still living flesh.

Of course the better one's technique is, the easier it is to get food. So most sowers would be hesitant to share their techniques outside direct family. This would create sower lineages with uniquely cultivated diseases.

It's all very interesting! SY would be vibrating with excitement if he didn't have to experience it firsthand.

This all without mentioning human meat as a delicacy among demons. SY refuses to participate, but even he can't decline when his caring grandma was able to procure some just for her beloved grandkids, as a rare treat.

The worst part is his body actually likes the taste, despite how revolting it looks. He has a lot if internal crises about it.

You could of course spin this into a bingyuan. Luo Binghe just out of the endless abyss meeting this nice sower and falling head over heels. Making a lowly sower his empress after he takes over the demon realm.

But I'm thinking of going another direction, either jiuyuan or liushen.

SY's forced to go into the human side of the borderlands because of food scarcity on the demon side. He's not stupid about it! He knows some cultivators patrol the area so he's gotten himself a bracelet of disguise to hide his demonic traits.

While there he comes across a head disciple from Cang Qiong Mountain Sect and ends up entangled in their mission. They help eachother out, shares laughs and near death moments, creating a bond that should surely last even after the mission ends.

If not for the fact SY is a demon. He desperately hides his identity, making sure his new friend doesn't touch his skin by accident as he has cultivated enough for his touch to be dangerous to normal humans. He isn't sure it would be dangerous to cultivator disciples, but he doesn't want to take any chances.

And then the worst happens, he is revealed as a sower and his new friend mistakenly assumes he was tricking them so he could kill and eat them later. Angry with themselves over being tricked, disgusted by any good feelings still harbored towards a man-eating demon. Only a moment of quick thinking on SYs part saves them from having to kill SY. SY returns home heartbroken and without any food for his family, abd stays listless and sad for a long time.

Years later he'll come across a peak lord, looking for a cure to a deadly sower disease spread on behalf of the old demon emperor.

If anyone feels inspired please write it! I'd really want to read a sower!SY au as well!

[waitineedaname]

Xie Lian 🤝 Shigeo Kageyama

intentionally very plain looking protagonists

I just realized xie lian has the exact opposite of "spot the protagonist" syndrome. Everyone in tgcf has the craziest designs, and then he's just. a guy in a white robe. sometimes he has a hat 👍

[yoditopascal]

Like A Prayer (Part 2)

summary: best friends with wade you’re always being dragged into something even when he’s not trying to, what are you to do when you find the fate of your timeline in the hands of yourself, your chaotic merc and an angry wolverine who’s hellbent on drinking himself to death?

content warning: romance, some angst, a little fluff, character deaths, canon-typical violence, smut, lots of cussing, mutual pining, found family, drug and alcohol use, reader insert but with no use of y/n cuz I hate that shit, deadpool being deadpool, mentions of poor mental health (depression anxiety and ptsd mostly), scent marking, the honda odyssey scene needs a warning all on its own MINORS DNI

a/n: I wanted to get up to the part where you finally meet Logan but it was too long 😭 and I ended up deciding to split the chapter up. In the mean time I hope this enough to tide you over. <3

tag list: sorry if you weren’t tagged I tried tagging everyone that asked but some usernames didn’t work! @allmyn1ghts, @blooket-scares-me, @amararosesblog, @talanyra, @spideybv28

Previous Chapter//Next Chapter

Wolverining is Hard

When you come to, your arms are tightly secured behind your back. Sitting up you try to take in your surroundings as you wiggle around trying to free yourself. The room you’re in is dark with a metal table and a singular chair in the middle and smelled strongly of disinfectant.

Just as you felt like you were making progress with your restraints, really you had just dislocated your hand, a door opens up on your right flooding your vision with a blinding light.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Came an accented voice, it sounded British. Just as your eyes had started to adjust to the light you were harshly hoisted up to your feet and dragged away into another room before being dumped unceremoniously at the feet of a pair of red and black boots

“Pookie you’re alive!” said Wade dressed in a new and improved Deadpool suit. Where did he get that? You thought to yourself. “I thought these TVA fucks ate you or something!

Helping you to your feet Wade pats you on top of the head before gesturing between your restrained hands and a guy holding what looked like a giant remote in his hands.

Rolling his eyes the guy snaps his fingers and you’re manhandled again as your restraints are roughly yanked off.

Taking in your surroundings you notice you’re in what looks to be an office with office workers and a floating platform above it. On the platform, where you all were standing, are a bunch of monitors all showing different scenes of you and your friends.

“Where are we Wade? What is this place?” You asked confused as you rubbed at your sore wrists, getting closer to him.

“You, baby girl, have just been upgraded to first disciple! Congratulations!” He said jokingly, just as he was about to say something else he was interrupted by an accented voice, the same one you had heard before.

“As you can see Mr. Wilson your friend is alive and well mostly well.” Said the man from behind Wade with the British accent, he eerily reminded you of Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. Frowning, the man watched you with a disgusted expression as you flicked your hand popping your wrist back into place as you sucked in a breath in pain. You had definitely dislocated it earlier.

“Now as much as I hate to cut the reunion short it’s time for her to go back home.” He said snapping his fingers again, suddenly you're surrounded by men in body armor again, one reaches out quickly to grab you but you stumble back into Wade who pushes you behind him.

“Wait wait wait….you’re just gonna send her home? To die?” He turns to ask the man behind him. He could feel you pressed against his back, like you were trying to get under his skin. You were scared and he couldn’t blame you, you still had no idea what was going on.

“Die? What are you talking about?” You asked looking back and forth between the man and Wade until a gloved finger fell on your lips silencing you.

“Shush child Marvel Jesus is talking.”

“What the fuck?” You whispered, pushing his hand away.

“You can’t send her back Paradox.”

“Oh I can and I will.” The man, Paradox, had said as one of his armed men came up to him handing him one of those electric baton stick things you had seen earlier. You immediately tensed up, as he started to approach you with it, not knowing what it would do to you on contact.

“No wait wait wait please just hang on a fucking second!” Wade shouted, it was one of rare times he got serious and it made your hair stand on end

“What now Mr. Wilson?” Mr. Paradox asked, groaning dramatically, as if all of this was just a giant waste of his time

“W-what can I do to fix it? The timeline?”

Timeline? What the fuck was happening? You thought confused as you looked back at Wade again as he stared down Mr. Paradox

“Nothing unless you can bring Wolverine back to life in the next,” he says nonchalantly as if it were the most obvious thing in the world as he checks his watch “96 hours. But that’s impossible to-“

That little bit of information was enough to get the cogs in Wade’s brain turning as he hatched a play.

“Say less, I’m on it like a car bonnet!” Wade said cheerfully, you had no idea what the fuck that many but whatever it was Wade had set his mind too it and once his mind was set nothing was going to get in his way.

“Mr. Wilson-“ Mr. Paradox had started to say but before he could get another word out, Wade lunges forward and headbutts him full force, breaking his nose on contact, knocking him out as he snatched up the strange remote device Paradox had had in his hands.

Before you could even blink, Wade grabs you, scooping you up into his side, right under his armpit, as he opens up another one of those orange portal doors and jumps right through it with you.

The other side of the portal opens up midair and you crash land in the middle of a frozen forest. The ground and trees around you, covered in a powdery dusting of snow as a harsh wind blows over you causing you to shiver slightly, as you go to sit up you find yourself unable to move as a sharp pain shoots up your right arm.

It took a few moments to realize Wade had landed with you, more like on top of you it seemed, until you heard him groan from your back.

“I gotta get better at opening those things.” He groans, getting up.

“Sorry sugar lumps, we didn't really stick the landing there.” He said stretching his sore limbs as he gestured to your arm. It was bent at an awkward angle behind you, most definitely broken. Standing to your feet you grab at the injured appendage, popping it back into place with a loud snap and a yelp before it has a chance to heal wrong

“Ok Wade I’ve had enough of this Leon and Helena bullshit-“ you panted out still reeling from the pain of your arm.

“Ha! Resident Evil 6 humor!”

“Enough! Please just tell me what’s going on?!” You finally snap as you pull your cardigan around yourself in an attempt to block out the cold. Wade looks you over as if contemplating what to say next before he groans, running a gloved hand over his mask.

“Ah shit where do I even start?” He says as he sits down on a pile of rocks that had a makeshift stick x on top that looks suspiciously like a grave, you chose not to comment on it, as he begins to explain what had transpired over the last hour.

Apparently he was Marvel Jesus, you still didn’t get that part, and your timeline was dying. How? You weren’t entirely sure but Wade kept mumbling under his breath about some “Aussie fuck stealing his thunder from down under”, and that Mr. Paradox guy, who’s in charge of those TVA bastards that kidnapped you and Wade, was in charge of overseeing it but instead of letting it die out naturally over the next hundred years or so was going to speed up the process and now Wade only had 96 hours to fix it before everyone you knew and loved died.

“Which is why we’re here!” He said cheerfully pulling two shovels out of nowhere. Looking behind him to see where the shovels had intact come from you missed as he took a sip from his newly acquired ‘I Like Me’ mug through his mask before tossing it. “Grab your shovel jelly bean, we're hunting a Wolverine!” He said tossing the second shovel at your feet as he pulls the makeshift x grave marker from the pile of stones and starts to dig.

As soon as he said that you felt your stomach drop to your ass. That was a grave behind him, and it wasn’t just anyone’s… it was the Wolverine’s. You were digging up Wolverine to save your timeline?

“Holy shit.”

To say you idolized the guy was an understatement. When you were a kid you had all kinds of Wolverine comics and stickers, hell you still had a pair of Wolverine underwear to this day. Digging up his grave after all this time, after all that he went through in life just felt…wrong.

“You can cream your spinach later, right now we need to see if widdle Wolvie is really taking a dirt nap or not.” Chunks of dirt flew through the air as Wade kept digging, completely absorbed in his task.

“Wade this is-“ Not right you wanted to say. You start feeling your anxiety bubble up in your chest. “I can’t-!”

The sound of his shovel hitting something metal, adamantium, stopped you in your place. Tapping his shovel twice more to make sure he had actually hit something and that it wasn’t just his imagination, Wade looked over to you before turning back to what he had found, wiping away the dirt, he stared down at the now exposed decaying metallic skull of the Wolverine.

Your breath caught in your throat as you watched Wade stare at the corpse for a moment, lost in thought, before he raised his shovel over his head and bought it down on Wolverine’s skull over and over again, not stopping until he got even frustrated and snapped the wooden handle over his knee, no doubt breaking it in the process.

“Damn it! Son of a bitch! Fuck! Motherfucker! My world is fucked!”

He screamed, throwing the pieces of the shovel and swinging his arms as he punched at the air. It had been a long time since you had seen him this serious, albeit the last time you were quite literally dying, and it was honestly terrifying.

Your stomach sank even further at his words. Hugging your arms to yourself in an attempt to make yourself smaller you slowly approached Wade just as he was pulling the adamantium skeleton fully from the grave, dragging it over to a downed tree as he propped it up to sit cross legged by him.

“That was weird. I’m much calmer now.” He says with a chuckle, you’re not sure if he’s talking to you or the corpse. “Look, I’m not a man of science, but you seem incredibly passed away. But it’s good to see ya.” he pats the corpse on the knee causing you to wrinkle your nose up in disgust as bile rises in your throat. You’d seen Wade do a lot of strange shit over the years of knowing him, but exhuming a grave of a fallen hero and having a one on one with his dead body was a whole new world for you.

“I gotta be honest, I’ve always wanted to ride with you, Logan. You and me, getting into everything. Just fucking shit up. Can you imagine the fun, the chaos, the residuals?”

You didn’t even want to know what he meant by that as you crept up next to Wade, kneeling down by his side.

“G’day, mate? There’s nothing that’ll bring me back to life faster than a big bag of metal cash.” Wade placed a finger under the corpse’s chin making its mandible move up and down as if he was talking to him, you put your arm on his to get him to stop but he just kept going as he moved to hold his masked head in his hands.

“No, no, no, no, uuuugh!” He groans dramatically as he throws his head back, thumping it on the tree trunk behind him. “He had to get all noble and die for real. God damn it! We coulda really used your help right about now Hugh.”

“Wade,” you said softly as you reached out to rest a hand on his shoulder, “we’ll figure something out, there’s got to be another way right?”

Wade’s masked face turns to look at you, deep in thought, before the sound of multiple approaching footsteps pulls him out of his head. Pulling you until you were tucked between him and the tree truck, he peeks over the tree before ducking back down just as fast, cursing under his breath.

“Wade Winston Wilson! You’re under arrest by the Time Variance Authority for too many crimes to count, come out!” Came a booming voice over the chill of the air. You and Wade look at each other for a moment as if deciding what to do.

“This is your last chance! Throw out your weapons and come out peacefully!” The voice said again as he and a bunch of other TVA agents began to surround you.

You look Wade in his eyes again and nod, knowing he’s going to have to fight to get you both out of there. Looking around himself for anything you could use to defend yourself, his eyes land on the adamantium skeleton sitting nearby and he gets a horribly morbid idea.

“I’m not gonna give you my weapons! But I promise not to use them.” He shouts back as he turns back towards you, placing a hand on your head. “Ok Nugget you know the drill.” He says so that only you can hear.

“You go right, I go left.” You nod your head towards the tree line in the background on your left.

“Good girl.” He pats you on the head one last time, tucking baby knife into your hand. “Maximum effort.” He grunted as you both stood, jumping into action. You break to the left as fast as your feet can carry you just as Wade jumps over the tree trunk pulling Wolverine's body with him.

Hearing rapid footfalls following close behind you try to pick up the pace, your lungs burning as you run, just as you reach the woods a gloved hand reaches out tangling itself in your locs before yanking you backwards. You hit the snow covered ground with an audible thud. Your head ringing and vision blurred from the impact. Just as your eyes were starting to clear, that rapid thumping noise from before came back with a vengeance.

Shaking your head to clear it you try and get back up to your feet until a black boot, steps down on your shoulder harshly. Above you stood a TVA agent, his stick pointed right at you as he glared down at you. Just as he began to lower it, you pulled baby knife from your boot, stabbing it as hard as you could through his foot.

He screams in pain as he stumbles backwards falling on his ass as he goes to pull out the knife. Scrambling back up you yank the knife from his foot before embedding it in his exposed neck. Pulling the knife back out again the fall back on your ass in shock at what you just did. You killed someone and hadn’t even hesitated. Sure you had see your fair share of people dying, thanks mostly to Wade, but never had you actually been the one doing the killing.

Before you have a chance to wallow anymore to yourself, you hear a body thud next to you and jump.

“My bad!” Wade calls as he smacks a TVA agent across the face with something that looked suspiciously like a metal femur, shattering his helmet and mostly his face on impact. “Wolverining is hard!”

“Wolverine was a hero and the only thing worth a shit to ever come out of Canada!” Shouted a voice from in front of you two, it was the same guy from before, the one who you tackled through the portal earlier, and he looked pissed. Before he had a chance to say anything else a katana goes bouncing off the ground and right through the guy’s mouth.

“Get my country’s name out of your fucking mouth.” Wade said as he walked up to the still standing body, pulling his sword out of his mouth. “And my sword, gimme that.”

Cleaning off the blade with his sleeve, Wade looks you over, checking you for injuries, something he couldn’t break himself from doing, no matter how much you told him you could heal, before pulling you to your feet.

“We gotta find us another Logan, an alive one.” He said looking around himself assessing the overall damage.

“How?” You question still trying to quiet the pounding in your head, it was starting to fade out now, only being a low murmur at the point, but it still made it hard to focus.

Pulling something from his belt, Wade holds up the remote looking device he had stolen from Mr. Paradox earlier between wiggling fingers.

“This my dear bestest pal is how.” He said opening it up and hitting a few buttons. Another orange portal opens and you stare at it in contemplation, nervousness grips your stomach as you think about what the two of you would get into on the other side of the portal. Wade goes through first holding out a hand for you from the other side. Swallowing down rising anxiety, you take up his hand following him through.

On the other side of the portal the atmosphere is much warmer, you're both in a club, a nice one at that, surrounded by other people as they mingle and converse by the bar.

“Logan I’m gonna need you to come with us!” Wade spoke over the music. Looking around the room, you wonder which of these people he was talking to, none of them really looked like a Wolverine to you.

“Who’s asking?” came a familiar voice from the bar. Turning to look to see who it was that said that, you were shocked to see a guy, about your height, with a crazy hairy torso, wearing a tight fitted black v-neck.

His face definitely screamed Wolverine to you but there was something about this man that just struck you as off.

“Look at this little Mary Lou Retton. Did you stick the landing little guy? Yes, you did, comic-accurate short king.” Wade cooed to him from your side in a baby voice as he crouched down dramatically.

You frowned up as Wade as he mocked him, definitely planning to ream him out later when you, yourself, was the same height as the man he was making fun of. This Wolverine stares at you, recognition and another emotion in his eyes, that you weren’t sure of as his nostrils flared and they took in yours and Wade’s, no doubt horrific, scents. Just as you were about to tell Wade that this Wolverine would work, another orange portal opens up behind you and he dragging you inside with him.

“Cue the fucking montage, baby.”

[anachronismstellar]

SQH x Wine Peak lord

I would imagine SQH would teach the Wine Peak Lord modern drinking games and it goes from there. (IDK if it will go like the SVSSS extra if you know what I mean.)

HISHSDAUFHUSDHDF not only did SQH taught a modern drinking game, UNO is now canon in the SVSSS lol

AND FUCK YEA BODY SHOTS LET'S GO

A Peak Lady this time! :D Her lovely name was given by @busysavingtheuniverse, thank you so much and I hope you enjoy my wine aunty!!

Omg I'm so sorry it took me this long but *waves at the past weeks*

But to make it better this is ahahahah 13 pages long on my docs. :D

Why I am going a little insane ty for asking

BTW, this one has mild explicit content AND it has two adults getting reaaally drunk before having sex. Everything is consensual, but if that makes you icky, maybe skip this one

Now, on with the fic!

--------

The room was filled with the scent of incense and tobacco, the lights bright just enough to create an intimate atmosphere. Four people gathered around a low table, the clacking of ivory pieces mixed with their low voices.

And the wine, of course, flowing like a river, making laughter bubble free. They probably shouldn't drink so much, their week packed with meetings and trainings, but if their dear Mu Qingfang himself was indulging, who were they to say no to a bit of fun?

The stones were given to each player, some of them being exchanged back and forth, the match starting with their host setting down the first piece.

And as soon as the game began, so did the gossip.

"Has anyone heard from their disciples yet? Wei-shixiong?" Mu Qingfang asked as he poured wine for all of them while waiting for his turn in the game.

"Not me," he replied as he discarded his stone, cursing right after, trying to take it back, only to get a tap on the wrist by Qi Qingqi sitting on his right.

"Pong. Don't cheat." Qi Qingqi said as she moved her pieces at a speed that would leave anyone dizzy, already displaying a group of three identical stones, her eyes focused on the game, shoulders tense.

"I heard nothing from him as well," Mu Qingfang added along with his own discarded stone, moving way slower than his shijie on his left. "But I don't think he noticed the rumors yet."

"I don't wanna add to the fire," Zhang Qingyan started as she tapped her nails on her pieces, holding her pipe between her teeth to move her own blocks before continuing. "But I heard some An Ding disciples talking about Liu-shidi being the last victim."

"Really?" Mu Qingfang asked, genuinely surprised. "I thought he was scared of Liu-Shixiong?"

"Oh he is!" Wei Qingwei said a bit too excited for someone losing their third round or so. "But I heard that girl, what's her name? The An Ding Head Disciple? Qi-shimei, do you know who I am talking about?"

"Ye Ling."

"That's the one," Wei Qingwei threw another piece at the discarded pile, then sipped his drink. "She said Liu-shidi scared the soul out of Shang-shidi's body, and Shang-shidi grabbed him and threw Liu-shidi on the ground."

"And that would do it, wouldn’t it? Liu-shidi is so odd…" Zhang Qingyan took another smoke from her pipe, then offered it to Qi Qingqi, who just refused with a shake of her head. She had lost the three last matches, and that mixed up with how much wine they had already...

Zhang Qingyan moved a little bit to the side, just in case.

"Who is missing then?"

"Almost half of the peaks, I believe."

"Do you think he's gonna sleep with all the lords?"

"A bit difficult, I mean, Gao-shidi has eyes only for his talismans. And Qi-shijie-" Mu Qingfang said as he took the pipe Qi Qingqi rejected.

"I won't touch men, not even if there's no one else in the world," she said as she put down her stone, glaring at Wei Qingwei.

"Don't look at us like that." Wei Qingwei gave her a wink, laughing at her face of disgust. "You haven't got the full Shang Qinghua experience!"

"It baffles me how he got himself into the bed of so many." She pretended to move her pieces around, just like Zhang Qingyan pretended not to see her take a piece from the discarded pile without the others noticing. "I tried to ask him where he bought his ink, you know the shimmery one? I couldn't open my mouth before he ran away like a scared rabbit."

"And can you blame Shang-Shixiong?" Mu Qingfang chuckled as he put his stone down, a light brush on his cheeks even though he had just a few cups. "Qingqi-shijie talking to a man of her own will is not something common to see. He probably thought you're going to ask for his liver."

"Hunf! I didn't need anything from him anyway." She flipped her hair back, as if she hadn't just confessed wanting to ask Shang-Shixiong a question. "My girls were more than able to gather all the information I needed to buy the ink."

"What I find really intriguing is that so far it has been all peak lords and no lady," Zhang Qingyan said as she poured another cup for Qi Qingqi and then herself, sighing at the taste of plum and spice. "Is he even interested in women?"

"Zhang-shimei, not you too," Qingqiu shook her head in dismay. "You are not considering-"

"The boys keep talking nonstop about him. And as Mu-Shixiong doesn't tell me anything-"

"It's doctor and patient confidentiality!"

"-I'm curious, that's all."

The entire table got dangerously quiet before exploding with noise.

"No, no, no, absolutely not, I have my money on Wu Qingfang being the next one!"

"Please don't indulge this nonsense, they are already insufferable as they are-"

"You should call him for the next game." Mu Qingfang took a sip of his wine, the red on his cheeks spreading down his neck. "He's been dealing with a lot lately, I bet he would enjoy the distraction."

She turned to look at him, eyebrows pulled up in surprise as she slowly let go of her smoke.

"Mu-Shixiong really thinks so?" She tapped her ashes in an empty bowl next to her chair, ignoring Qi-Shijie and Wei-shixiong bickering to focus on her dear doctor. "You-" she paused, glancing at the two other cultivators, certifying they were distracted before taking his hand and gently squeezing it. "You know him better than any of us..." She paused again, their eyes meeting, a heartbeat passing before he gave her a soft smile, glasses a little crooked.

"I know it's been a while since he had good wine." Mu Qingfang squeezed her hand back with a discreet shake of his head. "And if there's anyone I trust to show him a good time would be Zhang-shimei."

She nodded slowly as she clicked her cup against his before taking her sip, the sweetness of the wine tingling on her tongue, making her sigh.

"Besides," Mu Qingfang continued, taking his last piece from the face-down pile. "Shang Qinghua is not that bad. The secret is to hand in his paperwork on time and not ask for any last-minute favors. Then he doesn't care about the rest."

"Hah!" Wei Qingwei exclaimed as he waved one of his pieces at Mu Qingfang's direction, showing its symbol for anyone to see. "It also helps that you like sucking his-"

Smack!

The sound of Qi Qingqi slamming both her hands against the wooden table was loud enough to make them all stop and stare at her bright red face.

"Can we talk about anything else that's not Shang-shidi- Shang- the A-An Ding Peak Lord love life?" And at each stutter, her grip on the table got stronger, to the point of her knuckles going white. "Honestly, you are all worse than my teenage girls!"

They looked at each other before lowering their heads with soft mumbles of "Sorry Shimei" and "Sorry Qi-Shijie." Zhang Qingyan felt bad for her poor Shijie, Wei-Shixiong must have already talked her ear off about Shang-Shixiong if she got to the point of exploding like that.

They went back to focusing on the game, their silence lasting for three more rounds before Wei Qingwei opened his mouth and-

"But how long do you think it will take until he notices his disciples bragging about him fucking Liu-shidi?"

Qi Qingqi grabbed the closer bottle she could reach and took a big swing while Zhang Qingyan patted her shoulder, holding back her laughter.

-------

Shang-Shixiong and Zhang Qingyan had a very... Feeble relationship.

They were both close friends to Mu Qingfang, but they had never actually talked anything substantial outside of small talk.

If anyone asked Zhang Qingyan why, she would say they just hadn't much in common. She liked her wine and spending days and days in her peak, experimenting with all types of tinctures and salts, while he would never stop going on and on about paperwork and numbers, topics she wanted to avoid like demons after she closed her office doors.

She knew he was a good man, Mu-Shixiong wasn't one to praise freely. She just had been under the impression of Shang-Shixiong being a busy bee that cared only for his work, with no time to let his hair down. Literally.

Then came the rumors.

First was a joke that she caught among her disciples, then a bet here and there. Upon a bit of a digging, she found out a very interesting talk among the disciples of all peaks. She didn't believe it at first, and who would?

But then Wei Qingwei told his own story, and added to what she knew Mu-Shixiong and Shang-Shixiong would get up to...

One couldn't ignore all the evidence.

She got curious, of course she did. Did she believe that her invitation for a game of Mahjong would be accepted? Honestly, no.

Was she disappointed when instead of a polite decline she received a confirmation of his presence at their next gathering?

Absolutely not.

"This one would like to apologize to Shang-Shixiong for the absence of the other guests," she said as soon as they sat down on the low table, the set of Mahjong organized over it, ready for a game. "Mu-Shixiong had to cover his head disciple's shift, and Wei-Shixiong is lost in his forge, he said he was about to finish his last masterpiece and couldn't come."

"You mean his masterpiece of this month, right?" He took his wine cup from her hands with a small nod, waiting for her to pour her own drink before taking a sip. "Hoping he doesn't blow up another forge."

"Let's hope not, or he won't escape Qi-shijie's fury this time."

The name made Shang Qinghua tense, a weak laugh escaping his throat while he looked around, as if Qi QIngqi would jump from the curtains at any moment.

"Speaking of her, you said she was invited too...?"

"Oh, she's invited, but with Qi-shijie is always a wild guess,"

They left their talk trickle down as they both sipped their wine. When the silence kept going, Zhang Qingyan put her cup down to get her pipe. If she was going to host, she would have a good smoke.

"Do you want some?" She offered the tobacco. "I also have another wine, if Shixiong prefers something a bit stronger."

"This wine is perfect, thank you," he said as he rushed to take another sip, nodding his head. "But- uh. I wouldn't mind a smoke, actually."

He took his own pipe out of his robes, filling his pipe with fresh tobacco, shoulders dropping as smoke left his lips.

Deciding not to let the conversation die a horrible death, Zhang Qingyan poured more wine to them, hoping for it to loosen up Shang-Shixiong's tongue.

She wanted at least some gossip to tell Wei-Shixiong!

"I'm sad that I've invited Shang-Shixiong all this way for a match and we won't be able to play." Zhang Qingyan said after taking another sip of wine before starting the task of putting the Mahjong pieces away.

He quickly started helping her to put all the pieces in the silk lined box, picking up one or other to admire the hand work. "We could play something else, if you would like," he suggested when they finished putting everything away.

"Oh? What do you suggest?"

He patted his robes until he found a qiankun bag, taking a bundle of paper from it, setting on the top of the table. "Have you ever played Yi?"

She put the box aside, reaching for the papers, letting out a surprised "Huh" when she touched it, not finding it as flexible as she was expecting. And the colors! There were the ones with numbers, but also many drawings, some of them so detailed one could stare at them for hours.

"You've made these?"

"Oh no, no, I'm not an artist. But I know a lady that does some commission work, so all I had to do was describe the cards for her to make."

"They are beautiful..." she whispered while admiring a red phoenix delicately painted to look as if it was curling around the number nine. "How do you play it?"

He delicately took the cards from her hands, setting one of each type on the table, explaining one by one along with the rules of the game. And during the entire time she couldn't help but feel impressed, her polite smile slowly becoming sincere the more he talked. And she could see that Shang-Shixiong was opening up too, his own lips curling up in a smile, eyes crinkling with joy every time she asked a smart question.

"And there are many ways you could bend the rules, some people back in my town would play it as a drinking game."

"A drinking game?" Zhang Qingyan immediately perked up, eyes glinting with mischief. "Would Shang-Shixiong want to try going against me? Really?"

He squinted his eyes at her, and she could see him biting the inside of his cheek, as if considering his changes.

"Yes, let's make it a drinking game."

Oh poor dear, he had no idea, had he?

It wasn't his fault, really. Zhang Qingyan wasn't the type to brag, and again, they hadn't spent enough time together for him to know what a terrible mistake he had just made. And before he could go back on his offer she brought a cheaper wine, pouring them both a cup full to the brim, pulling her sleeves up so they wouldn't get in the way of her handling the cards.

Shang Qinghua shuffled, cutting the deck in half and then shuffling again, giving each of them seven cards, picking one from the top of the remaining, a beautiful blue bird with the number 6 next to it settling the first color of their game.

And so it started. 

"Zhang-shimei is a fast learner," he downed his wine in one swallow, without blinking at the strong taste. She could see he wasn't expecting her to get the rules so fast, their first round ending with Zhang Qingyan's victory. "Maybe we should add more drinking rules."

"Shixiong is too kind," she batted her eyelashes at him. "But if you think you can keep up with this one, we could add a cup each time one has to buy two cards or more."

"Deal," he agreed with a smile that was too sharp and too dangerous, a glint in his eyes that made her giggle with anticipation. It was like she could hear Mu-Shixiong's voice laughing with her, poking at her ribs while saying proudly. "Told you he's not bad."

…She could also hear Wei-Shixiong too, a whistle followed by "Careful, Shimei~ you gonna fall for it~"

"I'm not falling for it," she thought as she shook her head while giving all the cards for Shang Qinghua to shuffle again, firmly ignoring the way her heart picked up pace when his warm hands touched hers.

They played another round, and then another, tricking each other as much as the cards themselves tricked them, drying one bottle then two, then four. At some point Shang-Shixiong had let his hair down, and Zhang Qingyan had lost her outer robe, both stacking cards as fast as they could just to see the other fumble, smoke and alcohol making the room spin softly around them.

"I didn't know Shimei was such a good drinker," Shang Qinghua set his card down, laughing as Zhang Qingyan cursed like a demon, picking up two cards before drinking her wine. "I should have proposed that we drank each time one has to buy a card instead of two or more."

"Careful, Shixiong, one could think you were trying to seduce poor little me," she replied with a sweet smile, while curling her hair on her finger.

"Oh shimei, if I were really trying to seduce you, I would suggest body shots," he laughed, then drinking his cup after drawing a card.

"What are body shots?" she couldn't help but ask, glaring at the bright green dragon in the middle of the table, her cards dancing in front of her. She had the card to change colors for a while now, but she could also make him draw four more cards.

Hmmm choices choices...

"Oh, uh," his hesitation made her raise her glance at his red face, surprised at how he had gone from relaxed and cheekey to embarassed in less than seconds. "It's- It's something from my town? But, ah, is a bit-"

"Shixiong," she set her cards turned down at the table, putting her elbows on top of it so she could rest her chin on her hands. "Is it a lewd game?!"

"Oh Heavens," he hid his face between his hands, groaning. "I should not have mentioned it, oh no, this is dangerous-"

"Now I'm even more intrigued," she leaned forward, head slightly tilted down as she looked up at him. "Shixiong wouldn't leave me curious, would he?"

She didn't think it was possible for him to become more red, but at this point he was about to let smoke leak through his ears. He coughed, recomposing himself only to lose it all over again after glancing at her neckline, mumbling a word she couldn't understand.

"I- I could show you?" his voice went up at the end as if he himself was doubting his abilities. But with a deep breath he took the wine bottle and drank a good half of it, setting the porcelain on the table with a sharp nod. "I will show you. But you have to promise not to be angry."

She laughed out of pure surprise, agreeing not to hit or harm him in any way. And the more Shang-Shixiong explained what he was going to do, the more she started questioning herself on why she had never seen him in one of Wei-Shixiong wild parties, or how the quiet peak lord had knowledge of such games.

And that's how she ended up with a cup of wine nested between her robes and her chest, and Shang-Shixiong standing right in front of her, brown eyes blown wide as he held her by her waist. They both moved slowly as if the air had turned into molasses, unsure of where the lines were drawn, Shang Qinghua's heated breath sending shivers down her spine.

It was mesmerizing to watch as Shang Qinghua bit the porcelain and threw his head back, his throat bobbing as he swallowed. Clear liquid trickled down his chin, making everything messy, and probably it was not as graceful as he wanted it to be, both already drunk as they were. But then he went and licked the cup clean and-

He raised his eyes at her, and it was impossible for her not to hold his face, sinking her hands into his hair. She guided him into a biting kiss, both of them moaning, as his hands slid up and down her body, touching her everywhere as she did her best to get rid of his collared shirt, pulling him even closer by the back of his neck.

If the room had felt hot before, now it was boiling, her red robes hitting the floor right after his leather bracers, her dark lip tint smeared over his mouth and cheek.

Everything tasted salty and sweet, the haze of the wine making her entire skin tingle as he pushed her slowly until he was lying on the wooden floor. She felt as if she were floating under the brushes of his fingertips as he left her chest completely exposed to his gaze, tracing a swirling pattern all the way to her belly.

"There's another way to do a body shot," he said, and the way his voice went deeper with lust, oh Heavens, she might never recover. All of Mu-Shixiong's wildest stories weren’t able to prepare her for the vision that was Shang Qinghua completely disheveled, hair dripping down his shoulders, strong muscles peeking from his half opened shirt. "Shimei would like to learn it?"

She kept nodding while he took the bottle from the table, gasping when he pulled the cork with his teeth. "This might tickle," was the only warning he gave her before pouring wine in her bellybutton. She whined, nails scratching his arms with thin lines of red as he breathed over the cold liquid before sucking. And he drank it all up to the last drop, his tongue dancing on her skin, setting it her on fire, turning her whine into full moans as his mouth went lower and lower and-

"S-Shixiong!" She cried while grasping his hair tight, her back bending until it wasn't touching the floor for a second.

The slurping sound was obscene, it was divine, it was driving her into madness. She couldn't stop making noise, pulling her legs up until her knees were touching his head, begging for more, begging for mercy, begging and begging-

"I must say..." He wiped his chin with the back of his hand, pressing a soft kiss on the side of her knee. "This was much better than any body shot."

She kissed the smugness off his face, doing her best to reverse their positions, biting as she noticed Shang Qinghua was letting her move him around, allowing her to sit on his lap.

He was about to find out two could play that game.

"My turn," she said as she grabbed the bottle, pouring it all over his chest.

----------

She took her time getting dressed, feeling relaxed like she hadn’t in a good while, body sore all in the right places. Her guest had already left for his own peak, but not before making sure she had a good breakfast and some water, hangover tincture ready by her bed. 

And as soon as she could, she set foot to Mu-Shixiong’s peak, asking the first discipline that passed by if the doctor was in his office, not surprised at all by the affirmative answer.

"Mu Qingfang," she didn't slam the door open because that would be beneath her, but her entrance was dramatic anyway, robes fluttering as she rushed to get closer to him, crossing his office in a few steps. 

"What?" he asked as he paused by his examination table, his magnifying glasses perched up on his nose. And it was a testimony of their long friendship that she didn’t even blink at the sight of him bent over what seemed to be a tentacled creature; a scare thin knife in one hand, a pair of tweezers in the other.

“You were right, I was wrong.”

“Well, that’s a first coming from you. What was I right about?”

She took him by his wrist after he set all his instruments aside, making him sit before going through his shelves to get the good wine. Yes, she was still hungover, but she was in the mood for a celebration.

That and the fact that she would collect a big bag later from her disciples was also very nice, but not the point.

“Shang-Shixiong came by yesterday.”

“Oh?” and that was what made him shift his entire focus towards her, fingers intertwined on the top of his desk. “And how was it? Did you guys play Mahjong?” and then he dared to wiggle his eyebrows at her, a smirk playing on his lips.

"Stop it, I just told you that you were right," she poured him the wine, waiting for him to sip first before tasting it as well. “And I have to admit, I didn't know fingers could move like that. And don't tell Qi-shijie but- his tongue?"

"I know," Mu Qingfang let out a dreamy sign.

"And how long can he hold his breath? I mean-”

"I know," he sighed again, a silly smile on his face. Before, when she was the one on the other side listening to him sing Shang-Shixiong's praises, she would roll her eyes fondly, saying that he was a man in love.

Now? She understood. She completely understood..

The entire time Shang-Shixiong had been the most polite, making sure she was comfortable, taking what he wanted but not taking it for granted. He asked permission in the sweetest ways, teasing her when she failed to use words. And at the end of it all, he had taken time to massage her sore thighs, kissing her feet, treating her like an empress.

It made her heart race but she wasn't a romantic woman. She liked to have fun but relationships? Hah! In a world controlled by men, to become someone's wife would be the same as giving away her power and titles.

Mu Qingfang, on the other hand...

"Are you... Are you alright with all of this? I know how deeply you feel about Shang-Shixiong." She took his hand between hers in a similar gesture all those days ago, searching in his eyes any sign of pain. "Just say the word, and I go after him to give a strong talk."

He laughed, a genuine belly laugh that made her relax her shoulders, the band around her heart releasing a bit.

"This one thanks his Shimei, but she doesn't need to worry. My relationship with Shang-Shixiong is not like that. We love each other, but I know he wasn't meant to have only one lover."

"That's a way to say it," she tsked as she patted his hand again, letting it go to pick on the sleeves of her robes, still a bit out of it from the previous night. "The man is turning the Sect into his personal harem… And I don't think he knows it."

"He has all of us wrapped around his fingers, doesn't he?" And then it was his turn to take her hand, checking her pulse and Qi levels out of habit. "Now, what else did you do last night?"

"Shixiong!"

"What? Is nothing I haven’t seen before, at least from his part. And I’ve told you worse and you know it."

She groaned, caught by his sound argument. She hid her face between her hands, feeling her ears burning up, face almost scarlet as her robes.

“Well?”

She peeked at him between her fingers, pouting. But when he just crossed his arms she knew she would have no escape. "Fine. But first-" she took his cup of wine, drinking it up in a gulp, the burning on her throat matching the burning of her face.

She started talking.

--------

The plan for this was:

They played mahjong cards

They got drunk

Sqh: uhh body shots is uhh a game but is not appropriate to play with decent company Zqy: good think I'm far from decent then ;)

BODY SHOTS

Uhhhhh, as spicy as we can get

And my brain couldn't think of any creative name for their UNO version so I went with the number one in Mandarin aaaaaa

Holy shit y'all I can't believe we are 7/12 already?!?!! sdhfuishdf Send help aaaaaaaaa

aaand next on the line is Beast Peak Lady, Wu Qingfang!

here is the masterpost of all the other achievements

thank you again for this ask and for giving it a read!!! :D

Beast Peak here we gooooo~

[yoyowrites]

au

binghe was originally meant to be shen jiu's disciple but when shen jiu saw his potential he felt such jealousy and envy that he's disgusted with himself. so decides he wants nothing to do with tha boy. he pawns him off to lqg and thinks thats that. unfortunately, binghe has decided that shen jiu is the person whose approval is most important to him. he constantly asks lqg to relay his progress to sj. lqg takes it as a chance to gloat (he thinks lbh wants sj to regret letting a prize like him go and lbh just wants both his shizuns to be proud of him)

[greenflamedwriter]

Vampire Au | JiuYuan

Okay so, both Shen Jiu and Wu Yanzi come across an abandoned hut on the side of a river, the river is also violent and not shallow so it's the perfect dumping spot for bodies. So when both Demonic cultivator and disciple come across a man sleeping in the shade it was obvious Wu Yanzi planned on mugging him then using the body for demonic cultivation-

So after Shen Jiu waits outside as look out, acting bored. It was normal for the screams to begin that was usual.

"Shen Jiu! Help this Master!"

The fact that it was his Master screaming in pain? not usual?

Shen Jiu ran forward to the doorway in time to see the sleeping man, with a demonic face bite into Wu Yanzi savagaly, blood gushing from his neck then the demon? Threw his master on the floor and spat-

"Not only do you have the nerve to attack this one- you don't even have the decency to be a filling meal!"

A-a Jiangshi!

Wu Yanzi was dead on the floor and the Jiangshi gazed at him, raising his clawed hands gestured.

"you. Come here."

Shen Jiu wanted to run but suddenly his feet was moving forward, the man sliced open his finger then raised it. "Swallow."

Shen Jiu face twitched in disgust, as the finger pushed and rubbed against his tongue then withdraw as he swallowed. "Now you are my servant, dispose of this trash and guard me while I sleep during the day."

Shen Jiu scowled but did as he was told, not before pilfering Wu Yanzi's items before dumping the body in the river. It seemed he had some freedom within his orders.

And it appeared he traded one master for another.

When the sunlight set, the man immedietly groaned as he arched his back. "That was the worst fucking nap of my entire unlife- oh you're still here."

"Obviously." Shen Jiu sneered, and the man rolled his eyes. "Great- well this should work out for me. The night is short, and this humble master never wants to be out in te sunlight."

Telling Shen Jiu his weakness? Either he was stupid, unlikely or he was testing Shen Jiu with this knowledge. Wu Yanzi wasn't so different.

When they journeyed to a local village, luckily close to the rampaging rivers, the Jiangshi gave Shen Jiu money. "Go find a nice inn for us, and buy something for yourself after."

Shen Jiu scowled, as the man vanished and Shen Jiu walked away, he couldn't run even when he tried to...although stopping outside a brothel and was able to enter and purchase some rooms.

...Guess he did have some freedom with how the command is worded.

He was able to go to a blacksmiths and buy some blades. Small knifes were the most affordable- and easy to hide and steal.

It was better to pay for something and seen as a customer, then leave suspiciously. But when he found his new master, and took him to their 'inn' he scowled at the relief. "Ah good- I was worried since I forgot to mention I needed something to eat." Shen Jiu scowled, to think he put these women in danger-!

As soon as they entered, Shen Jiu with a dark scowl, and the man beaming and looking way to comfortable-

pov switch:

Not realising that it was all bravado, when he was alone he had no shame but now he had a kid and got he was only fourteen for christ sake! Shen Yuan transmigrating as a freakin Jiangshi in PIDW had to be a cosmic joke! "Hellow young masters!" The host spoke jovially, "May we interest you in some refreshments, one lady or two?" He glanced at Shen Jiu and Shen Yuan cleared his throat.

"Hmm, just one would do, and if you could..."

He placed the coins on the table, "A room with food and drink and a young man would suit me just fine." Shen Yuan smiled bashfully. And he was met with different reactions. The host nodded, probably not surprised. But Shen Jiu looked at him like he was an alien.

And yeah- then there was the feeding- okay he didn't need to sleep with them, but he had this whole routine thing and having someone watch, a kid at that- if he could blush he would but he's not ashamed! It's not wrong it's just food!

When the man came in, Shen Yuan would usually be more blunt, but felt that he had to be nice about it. "I uh, I prefer doing it myself, you just get comfortable," Shen Yuan took the mans waist leading him to the bed "And relax."

All it took was a few kisses and nibbles, and the man was defiently playing it up, moaning like his life depended on it. Shen Yuan hovered over him, if the man noticed a certain...lack of reaction he'll tense up and be suspicious-

Shen Yuan bit down, and now that was a real moan, even the mans hips thrusted up, sometimes that happened. Shen Yuan fed as much as he could then stopped, just enough to make them tired enough to believe this was just a client being too rough.

Shen Yuan licked the wound clean watching it heal, then pulled back gazing at the mans eyes who relaxed, pupils wide and droopy under his thrall.

"Now, you'll leave this room disapointed but unsurprised that this was the worst client you have ever had the misfortune of laying with. So bad you want to erase the whole ebarrising thing from your memory."

The man left and Shen Yuan slumped back into the bed, just enough for another day he could lay low here for a while and when he notices how tired the patrons are he'll hop skip and jump to the next town no problem-

Shen Jiu shifted and Shen Yuan turned forgetting he was there. "Why not lie? Why make him believe it was a lousy lay?"

"Why not? More incentive to never think of this Master and become suspicious." Shen Yuan shrugged. Now he was stuck with Shen Jiu, he could send the boy out to find him a nice little hovel to sleep in then dismiss him. Then again he seemed decent with cultivation- but if he lets him go what chances are he would come back to kill him?

...hmmm.

"Boy, tell me. What am I?"

Shen Jiu's eyes narrowed, maybe from being called boy. "A Jiangshi." Shen Yuan blinked surprised, huh. "I'm not stupid and my names is Shen Jiu." He bit, oh okay. "How do you kill a Ghost Head Spider?" "Strike the temple before it releases its baby like cries to alert others."

hmmm, so Shen Yuan began to quiz Shen Jiu, the other still stiff and answering every one like his life depended on it. Shen Yuan sighed, moving over to the table and brightening to see food- he forgot about that.

"Shen Jiu come dig in!" He spoke, sitting down and pilling his own food onto a plate, Shen Jiu moved over cautiously.

"I thought you didn't need food?"

Shen Yuan smiled, "Ah but it's a form of nutrients, if a Jiangshi has a restrictive diet then they need other things to keep it going. I only fed a little so this is to make up the rest. Most Jiangshi don't need food if they drain a person kinda like Inedia to a cultivator- ah you don't have to eat if you don't want to."

Shen Jiu was physically trembling with the chopsticks showing he was fighting back.

Shen Yuan sighed, "Sorry it's been a while since I've last had a companion."

"Companion?" Shen Jiu snapped, "More like a slave! There is no point acting like the domesticated monster if I have to find you victims to feed on to stay alive. So don't pretend."

Shen Yuan blinked, then continued eating. Of course, that was probably what the other man did.

"Hmm, this one was rudely inturupted in his sleep being attacked and had defended himself, being half starved I wasn't in the right mind, it doesn't excuse it. My ire was towards that master of yours and he payed that with his life. You on the other hand I have no such animosity towards. But disrupting my sleep as well as tainting my home so I had to relocate? That was a debt that had to be payed." He pointed his chipsticks his way "You payed that. And now, we're near a cultivation sect Zhao hao temple, you're a bit too...excitable to being a monk but if needs must-"

"No it has to be Cang Qiong."

Shen Yuan blinked, food stuffed in his mouth, "Hmm?"

Shen Jiu wasn't looking at him.

"It has to be Cang Qiong,"

...really? Shen Yuan sighed dropping his food and scrubbing his hand across his face, "Need I ask why?" He whined, if a Jiangshi went to Cang Qiong he was beyond undead!

"No don't answer- ugh fine. I'll escort you then you can hop skip and jump the rest of the way. Alright?"

Shen Jiu scowled "Why can't you let me go now?"

Shen Yuan leaned back tilting his head to the side, "If you leave now, chances are a mass of cultivators will break down these doors and kill me. On the road in the middle of the night only trapped to go in one direction or have someone kill me? I want to live thanks. And you're a bright kid can defiently go the rest of the way by yourself and not find yourself in trouble."

___________________________________________________________

And Shen Yuan whenever he thought, this was it. This was the village he'll abandon Shen Jiu in and leave him to it. And yet each night they rested up at a Brothel instead, as they kept getting closer Shen Yuan WAS going to leave he really was! But he needed to teach Shen Jiu so much stuff! Sure he learned how to write and read from Qui Jianlou, but academically especially for Cang Qiong- Shen Jiu was going to be behind with the lack of clan, or or fortune to back him up he would face bullying. But if he kept his head down, but still presented as a scholar and kept his head down? So Shen Yuan quized him, he even taught him how to spar in the way he knew how!

"Look, I'll be honest Shen Jiu, I can't teach you forms or how to wield a sword properly. BUT as a Jiangshi and a supernatural enemy I can help you hone your speed and strength! So from now on you will be doing a lot of heavy lifting." Shen Jiu scowled.

"You just want me to fill up your bath water and give the Jiejies a rest."

"Correct and it helps you gain strength, also your diet needs to change too. With the excessive workout you'll burn through so that way the ecsessive weight will become muscle."

Shen Jiu scowled "Fine."

And of course it showed results. Shen Jiu had to do push ups, pull ups, Shen Yuan even made him do handstand push ups. "Good work, you're doing well. Now do it with one hand." "You-"

He heard him fall over and sighed "You'll have to repeat that set."

Shen Jiu was gaining muscle and looks, especially from the Jiejies the next neighborhood they went to.

And on the road with no one around, Shen Yuan would attack Shen Jiu, little things like tripping him up, drawing on his face. If Shen Jiu failed then he would have to do more sets. Shen Jiu instincts was getting faster, and was even able to fight him for a solid 30's seconds. But of course, when Shen Jiu realised this he became cocky and slipped up.

"You're problem is you think too much. And that throws you off." Shen Jiu scowled down at the bonfire then nodded. "Yes, Master."

"Agh enough of that Master stuff it makes me feel creepy. Just Shen Yuan is fine."

Shen Jiu looked up at that, "Shen Yuan?"

"Not the same as yours. Shen for Wall." He corrected, then smiled as he leaned back. "But going through town we could say we're siblings. A-jiu my adorable little brother!" "No."

"aha- you're no fun."

________________________________________________________

Shen Jiu was on edge, assuming Shen Yuan would take him down the dark path in the middle of nowhere and just kill him. And yet Shen Yuan would glance at the forest with a firmed lip and keep walking. When they went to the brothel once that was one thing. The fact that he kept doing it, Shen Jiu never mentioned it, assuming if he called it out he would be punished. And yet, the closer they got to Cang Qiong. The fact that Shen Yuan fed him more and even made him do excersizes-

Shen Jiu assumed he wanted Shen Jiu tired on purprose so he couldn't run or escape. But when he saw he was getting stronger and gaining muscle he was honestly surprised. And when Shen Yuan quized him on plants, with each one they found on the road and telling him in depth about it's properties it didn't make sense to waste his time telling Shen Jiu this only to kill him off later on. He thought maybe Shen Yuan lied about taking him to Cang Qiong, but when he helped him hone his senses and have faster instincts...it just didn't make sense. "Hmm, Shen Jiu maybe we should go on a mission!" Shen Yuan spoke, after passing him a rented sword.

Shen Jiu almost missed what he said next too busy staring at the weapon in his hands! He could kill Shen Yuan right now-

"With a mission under your belt, that'll give you experience! Remember you're too old for the entrance exam SO you have to be good I mean really good that they couldn't dare pass you up to being plucked by another sect!"

And when Shen Yuan watched Shen Jiu on his mission, just observing and not helping at all, even observed as Shen Jiu took down the monster plauging the town.

Once he landed and looked at his Master for approval- then looked away why was he looking for his approval! Shen Yuan hummed nodding. "Very good, you were fast and efficient," He stepped closer and humed. "Now, is there anything on this beast worth salvaging?"

Shen Jiu froze, he was never taught that.

"Apologies Master, this one doesn't know how..."

Shen Yuan laughed, "Ah I forgot, well this is a learning experience! come here." And he taught him everything he needed to know.

When Shen Jiu was finally left alone and trusted to pay for their lodging, he asked the patron. "How far is Cang Qiong Mountain?" The man paused, "Hmm just a few towns North and you'll be there, this humble one see's you have a sword is your master a cultivator?" Shen Jiu eyes flickered "Not one from a popular sect, my Master is a rogue Cultivator." If this man thought they could triple the price he had another thing coming. "Ah,"

"Also he would prefer," Shen Jiu stared at him cooley, he wasn't embarresed "Male courtesans."

"Ah of course-"

"Preferably someone older than myself, he's not a fan of young ones." The man nodded again. Shen Jiu remembered that incident, Shen Yuan was in a pleasent mood but when he saw the thirteen year old it was like something snapped. He used his thrall to tell the prositute that he was way too young for this type of work and then brought in the owner and thralled them as well. Telling them that any worker under eighteen should work as cleaners or in the kitchens and be payed twice as much!

Shen Jiu stared as the owner nodded.

"M-Master why would you do that? That could ruin this mans buisness." Shen Yuans eyes were bloodshot as he glared after the man wobbling away. "Then it should rot for all I care."

Shen Jiu never understood it, wasn't it normal for both genders as long as someone was willing to pay. But Shen Yuan seemed deeply unnerved by that.

"Also what the fuck is a pint sized childs blood going to do for me? Men have more women and children less so!"

"...Why would women have less blood?"

Shen Yuan shrugged, "I don't know, periods maybe?"

Shen Jiu didn't ask what a period was, Shen Yuan was still pissed and more annoyed when no one came to their room! "You thralled him but didn't ask-" "Agh! Shen Jiu can you just, I'll break his neck if I talk to him again!"

And Shen Yuans eyes was red, his teeth extended and even his voice was a deep growl. Shen Jiu ran out like his ass was on fire, Shen Yuan faltered hand extended then covered his face with his hand.

He didn't mean to scare Shen Jiu...

Not realising that Shen Jiu collapsed against the wall, feeling weird. He wasn't a stranger to attraction he knew what it was...in theory. Thanks to the Jiejies being so nice and talking to him assuming his Master and He had that type of relationship especially when he requested those types at the Brothel.

They spoke ...in detail...and Shen Jiu only to be polite nodded, but now it all came back to him in detail-

He wonderd if maybe Shen Yuan wanted him that way...especially since he was getting older, would Shen Yuan on the road...ask that of Shen Jiu? Push him down in the woods in the dark? Both fumbling around in the damp dew grass-

Shen Jiu shook his head, forget that! He had to find Shen Yuan someone to feed on- His traitorius mind flashed with the image of Shen Yuan feeding on him. And the fact that he found a young man similair to his face well...

_____________________________________________________________

When Shen Jiu stood before Cang Qiong Mountain right at the foot of the staircase, with two disciples stationed at the gates, thats when Shen Yuan leaned down.

"Okay, so I attack you-"

"What!?"

"Shush, I attack you, call you a worthless servant and you say you're not going to give me innocents to feed on anymore-"

Wait what!? "And then you 'break' out my thrall, and when those two finally help, thats when I'll run away all "agh curses, Cang Qiong disciples ahh!" and you'll be taken in as a legendary strong cultivator who fought against a vampires thrall and won!"

There was stars in Shen Yuans eyes, he looked excited to 'act' and put on a show, but Shen Jiu couldn't- this was Cang Qiong there was a chance that they would hunt down Shen Yuan and kill him!

"N-no master this Shen Jiu doesn't think this is a-"

"Xiao Jiu!"

Both flinched and turned to see a party of returning Disciples probably coming from a mission and Shen Jiu's eyes widened to see-

"Qi-ge?" His voice broke, and Shen Yuan stood their awkwardly as the young disciple almost ran forward eyes shining in wonder.

"You're alive!" He sounded so joyful, and almost took a step forward but his Shizun stopped him, eyes narrowed in Shen Yuans direction. "Yue Qingyuan who is this?"

Yue Qingyuan straightened. "This is a childhood friend of mine, Shen Jiu." "Hmm," Shen Yuan shivered seeing those intense eyes looking at him. Before he could open his mouth, Shen Jiu spoke before Shen Yuan decided to reveal what he was just to shove Shen Jiu into their arms. "This is my Master, Shen Yuan. He has been educating this Shen Jiu about cultivation." The Sect Leader hummed.

"Really?"

"Shen Jiu is truly the prodigy, but this lowly one has nothing else to teach him. Both of us were wondering if there was any vacancies."

The Sect Leaders eyebrow twitched, "You think we just take any random child of the street?"

Shen Yuan glanced at the disciples then back to the sect leader confused. "Yes, you have an entrance exam open to anyone of the public." "Yes, we don't accept all of them."

"You accept the students who pay. Or you pilfer off prodigies." Shen Jiu's hands twitched, he was NOT a prodigy what was Shen Yuan saying! "With the right guidance, Shen Jiu can be the the pride of Cang Qiong." The Sect Leader sighed, until Yue Qingyuan spoke, "Please Shizun! Shen Jiu is good enough to be a cultivator!" "Yes but he's too old even for some instruction-"

"Then see what he can do, place him in a peak and if he fails then kick him off the mountain. What are you really losing?"

The man openly glared at Shen Yuan and of course his Master had to needle him more. "Just see what he can do, then you can decide if he's worthy of Cang Qiong or not."

"You're not going to stop are you?" "No." "Very well."

____________________________________________________________

Shen Jiu was surprised, when the Sect Leader nodded and a random disciple came forward drawing his sword, Shen Jiu followed suit. Fighting here? at the base of the mountain!?

He was going to get his ass kicked and it was all Shen Yuans fault, he glared at him and Shen Yuan had to the nerve to look offended in a "Who me?" gesture.

But when the signal fell and the disciple lunged, cocky smile on his face. Shen Jiu was surprised it ended so quickly. Thanks to endurance training and the his speed from Shen Yuan, he was able to dodge and move just as fast to disarm the disciple. "..."

Even Shen Jiu looked surprised, and was irritated by Shen Yuans proud grin.

"Your form is off, without the speed and agilty anyone could easily pulverise you into the ground." The sect leader spoke, not missing Shen Yuans scowl. "However, this has been inlightning. Very well. We'll see which Peak Lord will accept your prodigay, and you will be billed from the inconviniance." Shen Yuan sighed, "This Master had a feeling you would say that."

_____________________________________________________________

When Shen Yuan finally found a brothel ah he was so used to an assitant! Maybe he might thrall another young man and teach them everything he knew. Seeing Shen Jiu soak up all that knowledge made him prideful.

But when he returned after sending off the money, and then retired to his room paused outside the door knowing someone was inside already. Before he could run he took a step back into someones arms. "Don't run."

The man reached forward opening the door and pushing him inside his room, he gaped to see the Sect Leader standing inside, he turned scowling up at the man who pushed him in not recognising the uniform.

"Be nice shidi, this one has fangs."

The man huffed then stood at the door arms crossed, meanwhile the Sect Leader was covering the window. He was trapped. "Okay this one can't be in trouble with back-payments already-"

"It's nothing like that...Shen Yuan was it?" He nodded, glancing at the table with the teapot then back to the sect leader. "This one had heard some strange stories about a master and his disciple. Going to brothels." Shen Yuan pursed his lips, "Is this a...strange roundabout way of asking for a threesome? I'm flattered but neither of you are my type." "Why you-" The man at the door almost drew his sword and Shen Yuans face split into a smile- "Enough Shidi, you're too old to be goaded so easily. No tales of men having no memory after having one night with the Master. That the two travel at night," Shen Yuan couldn't sweat. But god was it a close thing. "And this Sect Leader detected it right away." Shen Yuan tilted his head, "What?" "What you are-" Shen Yuan didn't let him finish, grabbing the teapot and throwing it towards the Sect Leader even with his speed- these were two experienced Cultivating Masters! The an used his sword to parry the teapot, and Shen Yuan in the distraction dove past him out the window-

Then choked when something grabbed his robe, like holding the scruff of fur around a cats neck- he undid his sash and dropped, the Cultivator cursed as he watched Shen Yuan sprint across the tiled roof.

Shit, shit shit shit shit- well what a good unlife he had a shame it was so freakin short- The man guarding the door landed in front of him and Shen Yuan yelped swearing like a sailor and skidding to the left dropping down into the alley way but was slammed into the wall by the sect leader.

"Now now little Jiangshi, if this Master wanted you dead, you would be dead by now."

Shen Yuan fidgeted in his grasp, trying to get out then sighing. "What do you want?"

"A conversation with tea, but you decided to make it difficult-"

"What want me to nicely sit here and say 'please Master Cultivator kill me quickly' I'm a monster you're a cultivator of course I won't sit there nicely and take it!" Shen Yuan snapped his teeth lengthing. "Who said anything about killing you?"

huh?

Suddenly a tailsman was planted onto his back and Shen Yuan yelped falling like a ton of bricks face first into the ground.

"See, Shidi? look how weak he is." The Sect Leader sounded delighted, and Shen Yuan scrambled trying to get up it's like a fat buddha was sitting on him he couldn't move.

"Just because it hasn't fed in a while doesn't mean it's not dangerous-"

"Pick him up, we'll talk at Cang Qiong." Shen Yuan blinked when he was hefted up, this guy was stupidly strong!

___________________________________________________

Kidnapping aside, Shen Yuan didn't expect to being the resident pet of Qing Jing Peak. After seeing Shen Jiu's new Master and being forcefully put to work Shen Yuan did fear for his life. But with all the food he can eat, and the blood given to him by the doctors he was basically living a cushy life AND he can read all the tomes of the Qing Jing Peak library!

Ah things were looking up!

"Ah that's bad..." "How so?" "Just...bad, weird after taste." The doctors hummed when Shen Yuan tasted blood he was able to tell who was healthy or not. The cultivators weren't stupid they never gave him information like a guinie pig just gave him samples and wrote down his answers. He didn't think anything of it.

After learning the man who got him was the Peak Lord of Bai Zhan he avoided him like the plauge, Shen Yuan was polite to everyone even reluctently the Sect Leader after figuring out what the man wanted.

He was so impressed with Shen Jiu he wanted Shen Yuan to duplicate what he was teaching to their students! Shen Jiu besides his form in fighting was astounding in everything else. So now Shen Yuan was a reluctant hallmaster.

Of course when Shen Yuan was given someone to feed on he had to admit it was strange for Cang Qiong to allow such a thing- then immedietly spat out the blood once it hit his tongue.

"Oh my god ew! What was that!"

Cheng Liang scowled, the Bai Zhan brute. "Blood, you need it to survive draining innocents is a line we won't cross-"

"Draining? I've never feed more than I needed to! and I can't live on this...doing bad things taints the blood." "Well it's this or nothing." "Then I'll take nothing." -------------------------------------------------------

Of course the sect leader sent in Yue Qingyuan, and Shen Yuan raised an eyebrow. "What is this?" "Feed, you're looking worse for wear. Yue Qingyuan offered."

He doubted it. "Whats wrong with your blood?" "Finally admitting your motive to killing the Sect Leader of Cang Qiong?" "I never wanted to be here!" Shen Yuan sighed, then looked Yue Qingyuan in the eyes. "This won't hurt." He fed and sighed, it's been...a long time since he's had a good meal. Even so, no need to take more than he needed, as he pulled back licking the wound clean for it to heal he flinched at the hand suddenly cupping his head.

"That wasn't enough."

Shen Yuan eyes narrowed, "Yes it was, now let go-"

"He can take it." Shen Yuan shoved both away almost falling over, "No he can't. This one is fine so-"

"You're weak, embarrsingly so, how can this mountain expect you to survive like this?" Shen Yuan looked at him in befudlement "I've been survivng pretty well so far."

asshole, he didn't say.

"You are wasting your potential, a Jiangshi can never be a cultivator, but can still get stronger-"

"Shouldn't you want the opposite? Isn't it better having a tamed Jiangshi?" Now the Sect Leader smirked, showing his real face that made Shen Yuan almost duck down but kept still instead. "On the contrary, this Master finds no purpose in keeping things that are weak."

[ianblogs4]

Imagine if like Shang Qinghua had sensory needs, imagine him being genuinely scared to sleep for the first time in the northern desert because he feels that he can't sleep in another bed that isn't his own, without the pillow that he daydreamed of having after seeing a beast with the fluffiest skin that he had ever seen just trying to destroy An Ding peak and you better believe that Shang Qinghua used ALL of his connections to get just a bit of that skin that was just enough to make a pillow, his comfort pillow.

Imagine Shang Qinghua having THAT favourite inside robe, that he will use for a week and be very sad when it needs to be washed, it has holes, it is tearing and undoing in so much places but Shang Qinghua has had it since he was an inner disciple, just the fact that it still fits him is a miracle itself.

Imagine that Mobei-jun is trying to court Shang Qinghua by gifting him skins to put on his bed and Shang Qinghua being horrorized just by the thought of sleeping with something different in his surroundings, that's just impossible!

After Mobei-jun had seen the secret disgust that his servant and also the guy that he liked had for the skins he decided to change tactics and gift him wool robes, what a horrible idea

Shang Qinghua plainly hated them because they felt wrong in his skin and that overwhelmed him so much, but he felt obliged to use them because he had already rejected one of his king's gifts. But he disliked wool so much that he cried while putting them on and was very teary, with red eyes and a red face while on court until his king "got annoyed" (got worried), went to a side room with him and asked what was wrong and Shang Qinghua just cried, standing there, he ugly cried because everything felt wrong, his whole body felt so wrong, every movement feels very wrong and even being still feels wrong. Mobei-jun freezed, he didn't know what was wrong with this little human that always amazed and confused him, but he realized it wasn't the crying that Shang Qinghua did when he wanted something from him, this was actual crying. Shang Qinghua couldn't even talk to explain to his king what he disliked, what he needed and why he felt just so wrong. Mobei-jun just managed to mutter that he should not worry for court today and should just, go to his room and relax.

------------

Mobei-jun was very confused.

He was always confused about his little human, his actions and his entire existence was plainly a mystery to this king, but he did want to know him, because he knew that he was doing something wrong about the human, but Mobei-jun doesn't really know almost anything about humans! His only knowledge was learned on the run and with a lot, a whole lot of errors and confusions in the way. But Mobei-jun did know someone that knew more about humans that they don't eat raw food and they don't like being hitten, and it was Luo Binghe.

-----------

-So you're saying that you want to know about humans?- Luo Binghe said, kind of annoyed that Mobei-jun requested a "very urgent meeting" for this.

-Yes.- Mobei-jun responded, very seriously

-Why... Why do you even want to know about humans?- Luo Binghe just said, already smelling that he will not leave this conference room very enthusiastic about living another day as Mobei-jun's confident or more like dictionary of human terms

-Because Shang Qinghua is not happy with the things I'm gifting him- Mobei responded, with the worry on his face that only Shang Qinghua would've noticed. The fact that Mobei-jun didn't even know what Shang Qinghua would like as a gift and this man solved him like a puzzle so many years ago made him easily frustrated

-Look, the only thing I know about your little human is that he is friends with my Shizun so you shouldn't ask me- Luo Binghe said, just the knowledge that this was, once again, about that little human that likes to say weird things in a weird language with Shen Qingqiu and that for some reason Mobei-jun has tried to wife up for some time now and from the ranting that Luo Binghe didn't even knew if those few words counted as ranting, it was not going well just made him very annoyed

-Then take me to your Shizun- Mobei-jun said, very happy that he was going to get answers

Luo Binghe though that he very much hated that the non-existent romance in between Mobei-jun and his human was bothering him so much even before starting.

--------

-So, what do you want to know about Shang Qinghua?- Shen Qingqiu said behind his fan, while the smell of incense and hot tea burned on his nose

-Everything- Mobei-jun confidentaly said

-Okay I'm... What do you mean by everything?- Shen Qingqiu tried to add some clarification to the question he asked before

-Everything- Mobei-jun repeated

-... Okay let me rephrase that, why do you want to know everything about Shang Qinghua?- Shen Qingqiu added, hoping to have clarified something

-Because the gifts I'm giving him are not making him happy- Mobei-jun admitted

-So, what kind of gifts are we talking about?- Shen Qingqiu said, happy to be going somewhere

-I gifted him skins for his nest and he didn't use them then I gifted him wool robes and he cried when he used them- Mobei-jun said, remembering the sour memory of Shang Qinghua's ugly crying in front of him

-... To start he doesn't have a nest where did you even get that idea? And to follow, why did you even try to give him WOOL robes? Do you know that he hasn't touched wool in more than 7 years because he hates the texture? He cried the last time that he did. You know how hard it was for him to sleep for the first time after he had been kicked out of Caing Qiong because they didn't let him take any of his comfort robes neither his comfort pillow? I had to take those to him because I was so worried! Do you even know what "sensory needs" mean?!- Shen Qingqiu shouted, he was so tired of people not understanding his best friend's needs that he just unleashed everything, every single time that he happily went out of his way to accommodate his friend, something that no one seemed to even try to do even if Shang Qinghua asked them specifically to do so. Shen Qingqiu knew that the discomfort that his soul brother lived in everyday was nothing that only he could disappear by making accommodations every time that Shang Qinghua came to his bamboo house by not putting incense, only serving in fully white silverwear and putting a silk pillow for him to sit. Shen Qingqiu isn't particularly interested in silk but after knowing that his best friend loved it he decided to buy a silk pillow, just for his friend to sit on and not look constantly overwhelmed from having a disliked texture under his legs.

Both Mobei-jun and Luo Binghe, who came running after hearing the screams, were frozen there. Neither had ever seen Shen Qingqiu so enraged, losing that "I'm more than you" mask and just unleashing his rage, the rage that he kept for years after his friend confessed to him that he had sensory needs and he explained the things that made him uncomfortable in his bamboo house.

Shen Qingqiu breathed heavily while sitting again and trying to fix himself up - I'm very sorry, you not knowing how sensory needs work just enrages me because you are doing all of this so wrong you don't even imagine it- Mobei-jun left that day with new knowledge, a list of gifs, scents, types of robes, skins, foods and the general likes of Shang Qinghua.

----------

-Oh! How did you know that I love medlar incense?

-Mm, I just guessed it

---------

-Silk sleep robes? That's so comfortable, I love it. How did you know?

-Mm, I just guessed it

---------

-My king, you have been feeding me noodles for dinner for two weeks, why do you do everything just right?

-Mm, I just guess

_________

Idk if everyone just feels sensory needs like I do but I think that giving Shang Qinghua sensory needs would be so interesting like, him hating to go to missions and just wishing to be a peak lord to just have the security to sleep in the same bed everyday (spoiler alert: he doesn't)

[zombiemollusk]

so i wanna talk about merna

merna was a little caterpillar kid who hatched from an egg, so named due to being the child of jana and mertreon; this naming convention becomes important later.

incidentally, jana would later request to be my spouse, to which i agreed because why not, i'll marry almost anyone who asks me in this game, but in any case, this made merna my stepkid.

i raised the baby with love, etc. etc., got them up to rank ten, and eventually...

...they became my first disciple, and so far the only one who's asked (the others i picked).

they were uh. very dedicated.

anyway, all's going hunky dory, when one day an incredible development happened:

i didn't know followers could fall in love with each other at all (as opposed to just falling for me) until this happened, and i certainly didn't expect it to be my stepkid with my pet cat narinder.

i decided this opportunity was too good to waste, so...

...and then...

...voilà, weird lumpy baby!

remember what i said about my method for naming babies? well, guess what.

that's right, the one who waits had a baby and i named it merder.

side note, merder would go on to be the first of my followers to request that i, you guessed it...

...fucking murder someone. yeah, that's nari's kid alright, and i named them well.

anyway, back to the- what's this?

merna has fallen in love with leshy! well, i'm not about to claim full monopoly on polyamory (i feel like there's a pun in there), and the first baby was so cute, so i had them make an egg as well.

before i continue, here's leshy graciously thanking me for getting him laid:

anyway, mershy was born.

so after tha- huh?

well.

unfortunately i didn't get screenshots of the next two, but in summary:

that's right, everyone: my stepkid and disciple, merna, successfully turned the entire bishop pantheon into their harem.

and as i'm not one to waste an opportunity like this, i'd like to introduce you all to...

...my collection of weird lumpy stepgrandchildren (plus merna wearing a lovely hat there).

and yes, i made them all disciples.

they would go on to have romantic adventures of their own, many of which being with their aunt/uncles/whatever-the-gender-neutral-word-for-those-is to my increasing horror, disgust, and endless amusement; mershy asked me, their stepgrandparent, for my hand in marriage once (i turned them down; i did say almost anyone; definitely not my own grandkid, blood-related or not); mermar did not ask for my hand in marriage but did ask for a wedding dress and a wedding suit to wear (the game wouldn't let me without marrying them so i didn't do that either, though weirdly enough they spoke as if i made the dress when they requested the suit), and merder became lovers and had a child with a follower who asked me to kill someone as a prank, because of course that's merder's type. but sadly this post is running out of space for images so i won't be posting pics of all that, and this post is about merna anyway.

now, i can't say they're perfect in love...

...or as a parent...

...but i still couldn't ask for a better, more memorable first disciple of the game.

here's to you, merna. please keep being you for as long as i play the specific save file in which you reside. 💖

[aveloka-draws]

(Re: Narinder becoming a disciple.)

Here is how I imagine that conversation would unfold:

Lamb: “Hey Nari, would you like to become my disciple?”

Narinder: “That is a vile, disgusting prospect. A degrading idea, to stoop so low as to become a worshipper of my usurper. The simple fact you would entertain the question is insulting.”

Lamb: “Sheesh, a no would have sufficed-“

Narinder: “I’m not saying no.”

Hshshshshj yes i love this